Tuesday, February 9, 2010


I hate to admit it (Hi, I'm Kris. I'm a book abuser. I abused my last book this morning!) but I am seriously rough on the books I read. When I'm done with them, no one else wants them with all the underlines, dog ears, and coffee stains (amongst other things).  But that is how I enjoy reading, who can resist not underlining a really superb snappy comeback (Vonnegut) or a character description that is so effective you immediately say, Ahhh yes, I know that guy (Dreiser)!  Or, just the beautiful way words are weaved together to create poetry or a fresh interpretation (Nobotov).  
I take notes in the margins, shove my books in my purse and cram them into laundry bags. It would be interesting to interview a book that has to travel around with me until completion. The book could review me maybe. 

Here we have the book "American Tragedy", who prefers to be called A.T.  
Interviewer: So A.T. what was it like to be read by Kris Daniel?
A.T.: I feel violated for one and am now in therapy. I don't think when Mr. Dreiser poured years of his talent into me he pictured my being used as a coaster by said person's coffee mug! 
Interviewer: So it sounds like you're a little irritated, would that be a correct assessment?
A.T.: I moved past irritated the day I was thrown into a dirty clothes basket so Ms Thang could take me to the laundry mat and pass the time crinkling up my pages while she was eating a strawberry danish. But I confess the danish was light and fluffy with a tangy strawberry filling. There is still some left on page 87 if you want to give it a try.
Interviewer: No I think I'm good, but thank you. What are your hopes for the future A.T.? 
A.T.: Well I just hope I get placed in better hands next time but let's face it I'm all tatooed up and my back cover fell off. People cross the street when they see me. Although, I do have some good things going. I've started a group for abused books which is very rewarding.  
Interviewer: So, it sounds like you have turned a negative into a positive.
A.T.: Yes, and we also are insisting that all new books be printed with a warning label so as not to find themselves in the hands of such readers.
Interviewer: Thank you very much Mr. American Tragedy for sharing your story with us today.


Anonymous said...

OMG! As usual, you have me cackling, Kris. I'm a recovering book abuser too - ever since I started giving away books, actually. I figured no one will want battered books even if they were free so I started rehabilitating myself.

Food, dog-eared pages, random bookmarks, splayed faced down for hours - the whole gamut. Although I've never accidentally put any books in my hamper. That might be a new low in book abuse.

SocrMom78 said...

Seriously, who buys a book to keep it in pristine condition? Life is what happens to a book when you drag it around with you everywhere for weeks at a time, read it while you're eating, in the bathtub, etc like I do! Books are made to be lived in! Life is short! :)

Anonymous said...

Okay, this is bad, but both my cousin and I can't stand for our books to be messed up. I let one of my friends borrow a book of mine, then her mom read it and she spilled tea on it. Made me SO mad. Not to mention when said friend borrowed other books of mine they came back in less pristine condition than I lent them in, and that always irritated me. Sorry, but I just like my books to be taken care of. Call me weird, but I usually take notes in a notebook to keep from marking in my books. The only book I've really messed up with highlighter was my favorite: Jennifer Donnelly's A Northern Light,.

Farnoosh said...

Hilarious!! Thank you so much for making me laugh. Gonna go give my poor abused book a big kiss now :)!

BunnyPaws said...

Hahaha, that was awesome!

There may be a prime-time cartoonish sitcom deal in there somewhere. I can see the poor, beaten down paperbacks meandering through "Life After Kris" with disheveled pages and partial covers, making their way down the street to their 50 minute hour sessions with hopes of feeling whole again. :-D